Through time, I have heard people say to others that they’just need to love themselves’, or words to that effect. In addition to this, I’ve come across numerous posts online where the identical thing was said.
Self-love is then presented as something that someone can experience by simply loving themselves. With the same ease that someone might wear a coat, then, they can also love themselves with the same ease.
Back To Reality
What is only too clear, however, is that if undergoing self-love was this simple, it wouldn’t be a challenge for so many people. If it was, someone in this place would simply need to realize that they don’t love themselves and then to simply love themselves.
The simple fact is that in a lot of instances, experiencing self-love is not something that simply just happens. Someone can’t, in most cases, just opt to love themselves and everything will change.
The concept that somebody can just love themselves, immediately, is most likely coming from the view that this is something that may happen through force. This can be considered a very manly approach.
When this approach is taken, what someone can do in order to love themselves is to end up adding things to your own thoughts.
If this strategy does work in the beginning, they might soon find that it isn’t long before it begins to wear off. Additionally, they could even go from one extreme to another, with an inflated sense of themselves.
As they will have covered up how they really feel thanks to a layer of positive messages, the love they do have for themselves is not going to be built on firm foundations. This approach, then, isn’t going to allow them to develop greater self-knowledge.
The alternative is for them to bear in mind that they are worthy and enough, for example, while working through why they are not able to realize this at an emotional level. This is not a time when they’ll be trying to change how they feel by force; they will be surrendering to what is occurring within them.
There’s a strong probability that the reason why they are unable to love themselves is due to the layers of trauma they’re carrying. As they work through these layers, it may just be a matter of time before it’s normal for them to experience positive feelings.
Perhaps the most important thing that that prevents someone from being able to experience self-love is shame. This is something which may make it more or less impossible for them to experience positive feelings, and, even when they can, it may be a challenge for them to sustain them.
If a person is loaded up with shame, often described as toxic shame, it can show that they experienced some sort of abuse and/or neglect as a child. Furthermore, their birth and their time in the uterus may have played a part in how they feel about themselves as an adult.
A Gradual Process
Working through this pain is, naturally, not going to happen overnight. But, because of how miserable life can be without being able to experience self indulgent, it is definitely worth the wait.
This is a process which may take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Someone like this will provide the presence and the guidance that’s required to work through these layers of trauma.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, such as love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope together with his sound advice.